~this image is to represent possibly triggering pages. take care of yourself as you look through these pages ~Coping Strategies
I ended up developing anorexia and I am still dealing with it. When I was in Grade Nine (fifteen years of age) I weighed 92 pounds and I was 5'2". I do not talk about this much because it is quite hard. I used to exercise all the time. I still do but I have acknowledge that I do have this problem and I am working on it with others around me.
In school, I would try to achieve to be the best student. However, my marks began to drop before I left to go to RJC.
I attempted suicide many times. In fact, my wrists are quite scarred up, I tried drug overdoses, I always thought of death, etc.
I went to books for a fantasy world. I read many books and I became an "avid reader".
I'd dissociate a lot during the processes. i ended up developing Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). in other words, i developed different alters of me to deal with the abuse that went on in my lifetime. i am actually learning about it right now, because recently i was just diagnosed with it too (the fall of 2001). so it is new to me too.
I had seizures at school, but no one could figure out why they were happening. In these seizures, I would hardly be breathing and I was unconscious. some say they were "pseudo-seizures". in other words, seizures that would get me out of the "home" situation. i even had tests done by a neurologist, but no one is absolutely sure what was going on in my mind. scary, i know!
a few stories of what did happen
He raped me in the bathrooms, especially in the bathtub (so I still have a phobia regarding bathrooms), and it was easy for him to clean up.
When I became older, he tied me to my bed so I couldn't move. He then would rape me. My father would rape me when my mom and my brother were away.
dad would group up with neighbors, friends, ministers, and even some strangers and would abuse me in group settings. often it was done in a certain way and at a specific time, ie - midnight. they would often happen at the old, abandoned school that dad owned. i was tied, beatened, raped, kill animals, the such and i can't even name them all.
