disordered eating

fat
i feel so fat
i see a bulge here
and a bulge there
i hate the way my body looks
but i force myself to eat
i don't like food
but i force myself to eat anyways
i've been fighting an eating disorder
from when i was younger
i hated my body then
and i still do at times
i want to give into it
but i've been fighting it
and i want to win over it
the eating disorder has been
a part of my life
ever since i was a child
i don't want to succumb to death
by starving myself
so i will eat
and i will conquer
over my eating disorder.

may 2004

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