inner control

food is all around me
i want some
but i can't have any.
when i see food,
i see the fat and calories.
food is forbidden in my world
and i look at myself
and i see only fat.
i am ashamed to be me
and to be around me
for i have failed as being me.
i have been hurt many times
and i can't control those people
but i can control one thing
and it is my world.
i can control the consumption
of food into my body.
when i do consume food
it feels nice at first
then the guilt overwhelms me
and i have to exercise
for i feel really fat.
the battle happens everyday
but i have to have inner control
so i don't consume food
that is why
i can't eat food,
because if i do
the battle continues.
dec 2003
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